ALL RIGHT, YOU WALL STREET NINNIES AND BANKS, STOP PANICKING! [SLAP!] CALM DOWN, THINGS ARE NOT THAT BAD.

First you financial geniuses bought, sold and traded all sorts of derivatives and credit insurance instruments that you didn't understand (no one did, including the issuers). That did not stop you from collecting huge fees and shamelessly justifying your unconscionable income by claiming you wore the mantle of financial prophecy.

Now things are getting a bid rough and you panic, even with Uncle Sammy stepping in to bail you out. Stop it! [Slap!] Get yourself together. Calm down. It's not that bad.

You know all those sub-prime mortgages behind the CDO's you either bought or guaranteed. Well, there are still real houses there, built on real land, which means there is some real value, probably more than 60-70% of the loans on those properties. It's not a total loss. The Dow is now down about 30% from its all-time high of 14,280. There are shares in solid companies that are now priced as bargains. Lenders, there are solvent people and businesses out there, who are financially responsible and need loans. Lend money to those borrowers, and they will perform, they will pay on time and they will make you money. Let's get some perspective, folks.