TRUE NORTH by Sonja Eddings Brown: PRAYING FOR A LANDSLIDE

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Praying for A Landslide


Remember these?


Now I lay me down to sleep
All my worries heav’n to keep
Please don’t let me lie awake
Counting ballots instead of sheep.

I have a knack. Don’t you think? For poetry, I mean.

My husband Lowell and I actually started to have our own marital problems during that first recount in 2000. Some days we simply couldn’t speak for fear a lengthy debate would ensue. We ruined Thanksgiving that year for some lovely friends of ours who happened to be democrats simply because they unknowingly invited us to join their extended family for turkey. They were so sweet. They invited Lowell to offer the prayer on Thanksgiving dinner.

That was a mistake too. He has never truly accepted the separation of Church and state.

We nearly blew a tube on the TV (just an expression) that holiday season because the set was on nearly 24 hours a day. When the whole mess went to the Florida State Supreme Court, I told Lowell that he could just finish putting up all the Christmas lights by himself if he didn’t quit flying off the ladder every time he heard the annoying Fox News bulletin music screech from the house.

He was so jumpy during those bleak November and December days.

I was much calmer. I called all over the country until I got a hold of Bush advisor Karen Hughes. Well, her college assistant really. I announced that I was willing to make myself available to direct Bush’s televised statements on the recount, from my house. Clearly no one else was doing it and I at least, was a producer. It seemed like the candidate-elect had never worked in front of a teleprompter before.

I felt my country needed me.

If there’s a recount in 2004, for whatever reason, I simply will not be able to endure another season of uncertainty listening to my husband talk back to the TV and exhibiting mood swings that can change from newsbreak to newsbreak.

He will just have to overeat like I do.

That’s why I’m praying for a landslide. And it could happen too. Karl Rove is no dummy. While Kerry strategists are bleeding details on national television about their extensive Get-Out-The-Vote plans, I have this inkling that Rove is quietly working an untapped network of Denny’s waitresses all over the battleground states.

You can bet that it will be over morning cups of coffee that many voters in Ohio and Wisconsin will really make their final voting decisions. That’s why homegrown, street wise, public opinion leaders dressed in aprons and Denny colors will make indispensable campaign operatives.

All a brilliantly-prepped waitress has to say is,

“Cream or sugar? I don’t know about you, but I’m just not going to be able
to do it. I just can’t trust my life to John Kerry. Can you?”

Just that genuine little ache of doubt placed in the hearts of Denny’s customers all over the Midwest, ought to do it. That’s exactly what White House strategist Karl Rove means when he says that this entire election hinges on . . . the women's vote.

Finally, don’t be discouraged by the fluctuating polls. I’m quite certain the pollsters have forgotten to access cell phone numbers, so there is no way they have their fingers on the pulse of the nation. They’re only calling landlines, and I don’t know about you, but I am never home to answer mine. If a pollster really wants to project what America is thinking, they need to call us while we’re in traffic like everybody else.

Be positive. Bush could do it.

He could deliver a Norman Rockwell portrait of a peaceful and prosperous Thanksgiving for all of us, simply by winning by five percent instead of one. We just need everyone in New Hampshire, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Ohio, New Mexico, Oregon, and of course Florida, to see the bigger picture . . . and put my marriage first.