Friday, September 17, 2004

Suggested Kerry Slogans

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My new favorite political humor blog, Iowahawk (photo above borrowed from his main page), proposes these hilarious new slogans for the Kerry campaign (edited to avoid offending those higlhy principled souls like me who object to vulgarity):

  • I Will Keep Our Enemies Guessing, Too
  • Projecting American Strength Through Intricately Complex Nuance
  • The Thinking Man's Self-Confessed War Criminal
  • Vote For Me or My Running Mate Will Sue
  • Those Atrocity Stories? Dude, I Was Just *****ing You
  • I Will Do For You the Many Wonderous Things I Have Done For Massachusetts
  • Fear Not, America, I Have Deigned to Lead You
  • I Will Never Recuse My UN Ambassador from the Vote to Ask for a Permission Slip to Defend This Country
  • The Next Time America is Attacked, I Promise To Open Up a Carafe of Whupa**
  • Post-Emptive Leadership For A Safer World
  • I Have Three Words For George Bush -- Bring It On
  • I Have Five More Words For George Bush -- Call Off Your On-Bringers
  • Restoring America's Seat At The Global Popular Table
  • Come Home Again, America... No Wait, Stay There Again
  • There Once Was A Man From Nantucket, If You Get My Drift
  • [Marryin'] Billionaire Bag Ladies So You Don't Have To

And my personal favorite:

  • Some Look at Things As They Are And Say, 'Why?' Others Look at Things As They Are Not And Say, 'Why Not?', And I Suppose A Few Might Look at Things As They Are Not, And Say 'Why?', and Vice-Versa, and So Forth, And One Might Be Tempted To Look at These People Looking at Things And Ask 'Who?' But This Would Not Be Constructive, Because The Important Thing To Realize Is That Some People Like To Look At Things, And This Is Precisely My Point

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