The Grasshopper and the Ant, as retold by the "Progressive" Left

 

Once upon a time, during a bright and cheery spring, a grasshopper came across an ant, working hard at harvesting seeds.  "Why are you working so hard?" asked the grasshopper. "Look, it is sunny and nice outside.  Come play with me all day."

"Sorry," responded the ant politely.  "I would like to play, but I must gather seeds for the winter, so I and my family have something to eat when the cold comes."

Eight months later, it was cold and snowy.  The grasshopper came to the ant's nest.  "Give me your seeds," said the grasshopper.  "I am hungry."   "I will give you some of my seeds," said the ant, "and maybe others will give you some as well.  But I must keep the rest to feed me and my family during the winter."

"No," said the progressive government tax official standing behind the grasshopper. "You must give him 50% of your seeds."

With only 50% of the ant's seeds left, he and his family barely made it through the winter.  The next spring, when the grasshopper asked him out to play, the ant said, "Sure, why not? If I spend my time gathering seeds the government will take half of it away anyhow."

So neither the ant, nor the grasshopper, worked that spring, summer and fall, and in the winter, they both starved.