Fred Thompson: The Cure for What Ails Us

These are reported little-known facts about Fred Thompson (from IMAO via Jonah Goldberg) :

• Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.
  
  


• Though Fred Thompson left the Senate in 2003, Harry Reid still hasn’t stopped wetting his pants.
  
  


• Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.
  
  


• Only two things can kill Superman: Kryptonite and Fred Thompson.
  
  


• Fred Thompson once stood on our south border and glared at Mexico. There was no illegal immigration for a month.
  
  


• Fred Thompson vows not only to win in Iraq but also to forcefully free Vietnam from Communism, thus giving America a perfect win/loss record for wars again.
  
  


• Fred Thompson can open clamshell packaging without the slightest trouble.